Tuesday

Love and Marriage not forever nomore?


Do you believe in fairy tales. Were you reared on happy endings and forever after? Do you believe in eternity? Did you read only those books that promised joy and happiness despite the lows of life? Do you believe there is that one special someone there for everyone?  Who may come into your life perhaps when you turn 60 or have one foot in the grave?

Today's reality pushes all these romantic notions on its head. It compels you to think otherwise. Today's reality forces you to 'transact' at various points of your life with love. Todays reality reflects that love is transactional, the 'forever' script is at best foolish and naive.

Our parents lived happily ever after. So you hope you will too. But our parents lived in a generation where one's dependency over the other was complete. Our generation is way too independent. In-fact the dependency is very feeble and at best transactional too.

Love is today a distraction from the supposedly important things in life- money and status? Sure, many myths get shattered. A reality check.

Many people in the known realm today marry not for love, but for settling down. A predicament? Not sure. Seems more like a happy compromise that people have come to terms with. It  may stun some of us, but then again, when you speak to those who are separated or divorced within a year of their marriage, this reality, of settling down (not for love) but for other vital reasons, becomes, logical too (?)

And right here I come face to face with another reality. Assuming you settle down to such a situation or even at best a business transaction relationship. Which, comes to an end, inside a year or so? How do you rationalize this reality? After all marriage isn't a passion-fest, its more like a partnership formed to run a very small, mundane, and often boring non profit business.

Yea, my last resort, "sarcasm" the best defense when reality is so different from the happy endings one wishes for! The only thing that allows you to hold on to your balance. Just about.

Where are we headed? If no forevers, if no love, then what? Variety? Sure. For how long? Forever? IS this a new paradigm in our Digital age?

IS it time to redefine the institution of Marriage and perhaps define 'a successful marriage' as a 1 or 2 year contractual agreement? Or will it give way to an experimental phase once again with the 'live -in relationship' becoming a reality?  (May not fly in India..). Or then maybe here's the dawning of yet another reality, the reality of single-hood. Today more and more friends are opting for this alternative, as compromises and business transactions in a relationship are unacceptable to them. They don't wear their heart on their sleeves, they are supremely confident of their earning capabilities to secure a stable future for themselves, they are willing to be there for their parents and their pets unconditionally, till the very end. Life come a full circle?

The more I speak to my friends, the more I look around, the more I seek answers the more marriage and forever seem like an elusive reality. Friends are willing to bet, only on themselves. Marriage is ok but not enough to sustain. Marriage is dated, because you don't want to give all yourself to anyone anymore.One should not be over involved says a very close friend. Wise words huh? After all, as she says, its not worth it if there is no quid pro quo.

Maybe the morning light will make me want to add or delete some stuff from here, but for now, it seems the writing on the wall is  "Don't fall in love. Don't get married. Fall off a bridge, it hurts less"